I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
