And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
