so explain again why im purple
no
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
