see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
