that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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