the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
