i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
