Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
