The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
