I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
