More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
