I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
