Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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