dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is Oprah even human
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
