I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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