4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
