Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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