Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
