This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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