Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
