Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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