Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
