I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
