He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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