She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
