I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
