I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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