I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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