If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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