I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
