i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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