The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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