I accidentally had phone sex last night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
