Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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