sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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