its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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