I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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