I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she peed on how many people?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
True strength comes from lack of pants
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
