You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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