Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
