I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
