make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
