sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
