I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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