Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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