Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
