If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
