I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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