I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
