i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's just like the Real World with babies
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
