Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
