he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
