I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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