What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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