Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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