I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My pussy is not your playground.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
