drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
