It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
