at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
