There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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