The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
