I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When are your genitals available?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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