i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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