On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
