"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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