He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
